posted by MICHAEL SANGSTER WEBSAY : tension is when ur wife gets pregnant,terror is when ur girlfriend is pregnant and horror is when both r pregnant n u hav no idea who is responsible.
Q: What do Chelsea,Liverpool and Arsenal fans do after winning the UEFA Champions Leage? A: They switch off their playstations.
Two whores sat next 2 each other,one whore asked the other how come she doesnt hve hair on her pussy,the other whore replied by saying if u hve ever seen grass on a busy highway.
A small guy goes into an
elevator and notices a huge guy standing next to him. The big guy looks down on
the small white guy and says, "Seven foot tall, three hundred fifty pounds,
twenty-inch dick, three-pound left ball, three-pound right ball, Turner
Brown." The small guy faints! The big guy picks up the small guy
an...d brings him to, slapping his face and shaking him. He asks the small guy,
"What's wrong?" The small guy says, "Excuse me, but what did you
say?" The big guy looks down and says "Seven foot tall, three hundred
fifty pounds, twenty-inch dick, three- pound left ball, three-pound right ball,
my name is Turner Brown." The small guy says, "Thank God, I thought you
said, "Turn around."
ati 1 chik hd 2 parots that were always saying "hey! We're prostitutes wana hav sam fun" , as the chic was devoutely catholic she felt offended n tuk the whole matter to a priest, the priest listend in a fatherly manner afta whch he pronouncd "that iz very sad my daughter,... bt i may hv a remedy" n he went on to explain bout hz two parrots that did nathng bt pray all day "i propose u bring ur parrots to my hauz n maybe my two holy praying parots wil +vely influence urz" . So the next sunday, she tuk her two prostitute parots to meet the prayn parots ... As sun as the two female parots were put on the table next to the prayng male 1z they said "hey! We're. . . . , . ." afta whch one of the male holy parots turnd to the other n said 'hey moses, put down the beads our prayerz hv bin ansad'
Thr were 2 lovers.one dy ,the gal found her boy fred dip in thot.she askd hm wht he ws thnkng abt."i ws thnkng abt u'',th boy fred replyd."does it mean u lov me tht much"?th gal askd smiling.lookng suprsd her boy fred replyd.'u bitch, u forgot u owe me 2000 shilings?"the gal fainted
2 men were huntin n they came across a bear. The bear starts chasing them and they r running as fast as they can. They looked back and the bear was gaining on them. They r running neck and neck and 1 says 2 the other, i dont think we r going 2 outrun this bear. The other hunter says i am not worried about the bear, i only hav 2 outrun u!
Why is sex like software?
For everyone who pays for it, there are hundreds getting it for free.
A bartender spotted a blonde down on her knees at the end of the bar. He walk her way and offered, can i help u with somthing? My diamond ring fell off and can't find it, she grumbled. Did u lose it right around there? he asked. No, it came off outside the men's room,the blonde huffed, but the light's much better over here!
One man (lets call him Johnny) came to gun shop.
J(ohnny):I want a pistol
S(alesman):Choose from this wall (points at wall full of pistols)
J: (points at biggest pistol) I want this,
S: An .44 Magnum? And for what purpose?
J: For shooting cans.
S: (points on smaller handgun) For shooting cans is the best this one.
J: (points again on .44) No, I want this one.
S: And what cans will you shoot at?
J: Um...Mexi-cans, Portori-cans, Afri-cans...
A white guy walks into a bar and asked a black guy for a bl*w job.
The black guy beat him up and threw him out of the bar.
The bartender then asked, "What did he say to you?
The black guy responded I don't know all I heard is something about a job!!
A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary.
As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"
The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to f*ck your brains out, and suck your tits dry."
Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"
He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."
A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.
"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."
She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams and so on it goes.
The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette are you?"
She says, "No, I'm really a blonde."
A farmer goes out and buys a new, young rooster. As soon as he brings him home, the
young rooster rushes and screws all 150 of the farmers hens. The farmer is impressed.
At lunchtime, the young rooster again screws all 150 hens. The farmer is not just impressed anymore,he is worried. Next morning,not only is the rooster screwin...g the hens but he is screwing the turkeys,ducks even the cow.
Later farmer looks out into the barnyard and finds the rooster stretched out, limp as a rag, his eyes closed, dead and vultures circling overhead.
The farmer runs out, looks down at the young roosters limp body and says: "You deserved it, you horny bastard!"
And the young rooster opens one eye, points up at the vultures with his wing, and says, Shhhh!,they are about to land."
SORRY 4 TAKIN LONG GUYS BUT THIS WILL KEEP YOU GOIN 4 AWHILE